Working with Frustration as a Leader – Protecting Relationships While Demanding the Best
Last week was tough. I lost patience with my team. Anger was my dominant underlying emotion, despite restraining myself and biting my tongue often.
In addition to results not being great, my team dropped the ball on one thing after another, many of the tasks ending up on my shoulders. I was angry. I was exhausted. The negativity that this creates is not productive and not healthy. It contributes to fear in the environment.
The trick is being direct, honest about what’s not working, urgent, but not negative.
The best way to avoid negativity is not to take things personally, either myself (“I’m getting screwed here as I have to do everything myself or it doesn’t get done”) or towards others (“So and so is screwing me by behaving this way and they just don’t care”). People are generally doing their best, even when their best is not good enough.
The truth is, the vast majority of people, and perhaps even every other person, will just not care as much as I do. I have to accept that. Indeed, acceptance is the second most important thing besides not personalizing. Accepting the reality and flowing with the truth of the moment – not fighting it.
I also have to be very honest about what’s not working so people can dig deep and be truly motivated to find different ways to succeed. And I have to be very honest about the results and where we are.
That being said, can I be kind and direct at the same time? Can I be very frustrated but not lose faith in my people and truly still believe in them to step up? Am I able to pause, and see the frustration in myself for what it is? Then very importantly, can I refrain from self-judgment of my own reaction but meet it with self-compassion and understanding?
A root cause of being angry is being exhausted. So can I also take care of myself, draw boundaries around work and not over sacrifice? Can I be in touch with my identity as a person beyond just my CEO role? Can I keep good sleep hygiene by not skipping meditations, breathwork and workouts, avoiding the ruminating thoughts after hours?
So when times are tough, all 5 habits of inner mastery are needed:
An open courageous heart, not critical of the people behind the role and not losing faith in them, but being direct about what’s needed, and not critical of myself for being frustrated and experiencing anger;
A clear mind, keeping a present moment focus, not ruminating, and focused on the process rather than just outcomes;
A safe body, not resisting the reality of what is, radically accepting where we are and taking action from there;
A low ego, not personalizing underperformance, not overworking, and not getting caught up in CEO identity;
And a disciplined lifestyle, that helps facilitate all these other habits, with early morning ritual, that tends to the mind, the body and the heart!
Let’s go! Time to step up on Inner Mastery when the going gets tough in our businesses.
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